bride and groom treated me so sweetly tonight, everyone was just so nice i can’t get over it
night time, my time
• i arrived in napa today for a full work weekend. we have one wedding tomorrow in sonoma and another in napa on saturday. and then a photoshoot/benefit/whatever at Reid after that. all the while, we are having a video being shot of the “behind the scenes” of our business and such. so today they shot me clipping flowers, which basically probably only shows my hands and some clippers and dahlias but it’s all good, my limbs can be famous. i can’t wait to see the video come together because our videographers are really great at what they do, also, we are doing THEIR wedding in september so it makes it extra cool to be working together.
anyways. i’m surprised at how my nerves floated away in the last couple hours. when i come out here i get anxious about all the responsibilities and things to get done, and this weekend is so much more than usual with the extra events. plus, it’s been awhile since me and ian spent time away from each other so i was indifferent to leaving him for a few days. but now i feel good, surprisingly. it’s nice to be able to miss him again, and when i get back we will have one evening together before i leave for los angeles for a week. although sleeping alone is an unusual feeling, it will make seeing him sunday night much more exciting. PLUS, when i am away he gets bored and does all the cleaning, laundry, yard work, and sometimes has other surprises for me :)
napa… why did i ever complain about you to begin with?
man these next few days are going to kill me. videoshoot, wedding, wedding, photoshoot… then off to LA FOR FREEDOM!
It’s possible to become so comfortable with one’s style and structure that one ceases to grow.
Candice S. and Miranda Kerr
all i want. right now.
Joe Manganiello by Nino Muñoz for People Magazine
i will not be my father’s daughter
mom says i will struggle with trust issues/dad issues for eternity, and i should try my best to figure out a “cure” or the arguments and relationship troubles that result will continue to come. well. i don’t think there’s such a thing as a cure, i think it’s about finding someone that proves my subconscious wrong; that part of me that will always feel a sense of abandonment no matter how much i ignore it. that same part that grows insecure every time a pretty girl walks by my guy, the same part that thinks he can and will do better than me, that same part that went through his phone just to see who ‘she’ was… when in fact, there was no one, my biggest enemy was myself. just like my dad always said it would be; “the only thing in life to fear is fear itself, ya got that?”, “sure dad”. we (ian and i) have gotten past one of our biggest arguments…. and the past week has been delightful. full of stolen glances, love notes, shopping cart races, passionate love-making, honesty, and feelings of relief. perhaps my mom is right, maybe i will pull another stunt fueled by self-doubt and daddy issues in the future, but one thing i hold close is my hope that i won’t always be lost in love, that i will constantly be learning, loyal, and open to more and more love. i will trust and be trusted. i will not be my father’s daughter.
(via Sincerely, Kinsey)